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[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=””]Step 4 to gain husbandly leadership is more or less a continuation of Step 3. It’s a reminder of what a happy marriage is truly built on, and it starts laying the foundation for what a truly unconditionally loving marriage looks like.[/thrive_text_block]
Once you’ve stopped playing the blame game, you effectively put the nail in the coffin of guilt and dissatisfaction through true, genuine forgiveness.
Whatever your wife has done, whatever she will continue to do, you must maintain an open heart, and [thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]you must be willing to forgive unconditionally[/thrive_highlight].
Remember the very first trait in the 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband? It was, “a good husband loves his wife unconditionally”.
And if you’ll recall, I gave you a simple definition of unconditional love:
[pullquote align=”normal”]Unconditional love is the recognition, anticipation, and acceptance of an imperfect wife.[/pullquote]
In other words, unconditional forgiveness means that you forgive your wife without expecting her to change. You forgive her for HER benefit, not yours.
That means you already know and plan for your wife to make mistakes.
[thrive_headline_focus title=”SHE WILL DO THINGS THAT HURT YOU” orientation=”center”]
…And that hurt your marriage. Even more so in the current situation.
[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Here’s what this means for you:”]To unconditionally love your wife the way that a leader-husband must, you have to let go of the pain your wife has caused you, is causing you, and will cause you in the future. Forgiveness means a clean slate; it means keeping the past in the past, and not letting the mistakes you’ve already forgiven her for affect how you handle the mistakes she’ll make in the future. [/thrive_text_block]
This takes extreme empathy and humility (not the same thing as submission), and it’s much easier to do if you have taken control of your happiness like we talked about in the very first step to gain husbandly leadership.
And remember, forgiveness is NOT something you do for show. It’s NOT something you do so that your wife will praise you.
[pullquote align=”normal”]You forgive your wife simply because you love her. [/pullquote]
So, don’t make a big deal to your wife about your decision to forgive her, and in fact I would recommend against saying anything at all to her about it.
Because if you feel the need to tell your wife that you’ve forgiven her so that she’ll see what a great husband you are, well, [thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]that probably means you haven’t really forgiven her[/thrive_highlight]… You’re just trying to make a trade: “I forgive you, so now you owe me.”
[thrive_headline_focus title=”Actions Speak Louder Than Words” orientation=”center”]
[thrive_text_block color=”light” headline=””]SHOW your wife that you take responsibility for the problems in your marriage, and that you are capable of moving past the blame game.
SHOW her that you’ve forgiven her, and that no matter how she has hurt you in the past, you are ready and willing to pursue a joyful and long-lasting future together.[/thrive_text_block]
True forgiveness doesn’t need to be said, at least not for the benefit of the forgiver. True forgiveness speaks for itself.
Step 5 hits very close to home for me because it’s something that I constantly struggle with, and I’m guessing you do too. However, it’s a crucial step to becoming attractive to your wife.
[thrive_link color=’blue’ link=’https://inside.husbandhelphaven.com/lessons/step-5-stick-to-your-guns/’ target=’_self’ size=’big’ align=’aligncenter’]Click Here to Go To Step 5[/thrive_link]