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[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=””]Step 2 to gain husbandly leadership is all about what you can expect from your wife as you continue to grow as a husbandly leader, and how you can maintain the changes you’re making in yourself. [/thrive_text_block]
It’s one thing to regain your self-esteem… That’s what we talked about in the previous step… It’s a whole different matter to maintain that self-esteem and self-confidence in the face of pressure from a broken marriage.
For one simple reason:
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It’s unfortunate that things have gotten to this point, but you need to realize that as things stand right now [thrive_highlight highlight=’#0082b5′ text=’light’]your wife WANTS to leave the marriage[/thrive_highlight], and that means she’s going to constantly look for reasons to leave. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If your wife can get you to make just a few more mistakes…
If she can get you to give her ANY justification to prove that she’s making the right decision in leaving…
That makes it so much easier for her to cope with leaving.
You must be steadfast in your confidence and your leadership so that you do not let her change the way you handle the marriage. You can’t let her take away the self-control that you built in the first step to gaining husbandly leadership.
You Are at WAR
And a war isn’t won in a day. There will be many battles, and you must win more than you lose.
Your enemy is the way your wife feels about you, and your enemy’s secret ally is the way you feel about yourself. Hopefully by now you have taken away that secret ally, but you cannot give it back to the opposition.
Your confidence will either work for you or against you. If you’re not smart about it, if you don’t anticipate how your wife is thinking right now, then that confidence you built up for yourself can make you fall that much harder.
Instead, here’s what you need to do:
See these negative things your wife is going to try and do, and plan on them coming.
[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Brace yourself to weather the storm…”]Because here’s the thing – even if you do everything PERFECTLY to get your wife back, starting now, there are STILL going to be times where you feel discouraged because of a lack of progress.[/thrive_text_block]
That’s why self-confidence is so important; you have to make yourself immune to the discouragement that’s coming your way, which can only come when you’re at peace with the decisions you’re making.
So, with that in mind…
Here is your first homework assignment:
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First, every morning when you wake up, spend at least a few minutes in quiet reflection to gain focus for the day ahead. Make sure your feet are squarely planted on the ground so that you are able to weather any and all discouragement that comes your way.
And there WILL be discouragement. So, plan for it.
You must not let yourself revert to your old ways. Remember what we learned last time – YOU are the only one in control of YOUR happiness.
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Second, every night before you go to bed, count your blessings.
Reflect back through your day, and think about all the things you did right. Don’t worry about the little flukes, or missteps, only focus on the positive.
Count every situation that you handled correctly, and resolve to handle even more situations correctly tomorrow.
(Note: This homework assignment is actually a super simplified version of a really powerful exercise you’ll learn about in Manly Marriage Revival called the Marriage Scale… It’s the system that I’ve used to keep my own marriage on track, and I’ve been able to apply it to my work life too.)
For now, though, just focus on the beginner version outlined here. If you can make it a pattern to practice these tips – focus your thoughts in the morning, reflect on your successes in the evening – then you will find it much easier to prevent the “discouragement snowball” that can quickly undo all of your hard work.
In Step 3, you’re going to learn how to be the “bigger man” in your marriage and stop shooting yourself in the foot.
[thrive_link color=’blue’ link=’https://inside.husbandhelphaven.com/lessons/step-3-stop-the-blame-game/’ target=’_self’ size=’big’ align=’aligncenter’]Click Here to Go To Step 3[/thrive_link]