Step 9. Find Pleasure in Her Pleasure


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[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=””]Step 9 to gain husbandly leadership is reminder about how a perfect marriage is supposed to look and function. This lesson is meant to give you a clear end-goal to aim for, and to help you get your heart in the right place as you move forward in your relationship.[/thrive_text_block]

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Today is a message of hope.

What does the perfect marriage look like? What kind of relationship should you be striving for?

Understanding this is essential to becoming an attractive husbandly leader.

Popular culture today views marriage as a drag. It is a cage; a commitment to limitation; a boundary; a chain. Getting married means giving up your freedom.

Is it any surprise that divorce rates are the highest that they’ve ever been? Who would ever want to spend their life in a boring, cold prison?


Luckily, that’s not how your marriage has to be.

[thrive_headline_focus title=”PERFECT MARRIAGE = PERFECT FREEDOM” orientation=”center”]

A perfect marriage is the definition of freedom. It is a purely beautiful thing.

In the perfect marriage, both you and your wife are working equally towards the others’ happiness, thereby creating a matrix of love that is completely fulfilling to you both.

Imagine how amazing it would feel to have a wife whose greatest fulfillment came from seeing you happy?

And imagine how your wife would feel if she knew that the one thing that made you happiest was to seeing HER happy? Do you really see her wanting to leave that kind of marriage?

I don’t. This kind of mutual love matrix is what lifelong marriages are built on.

In the perfect marriage…

[thrive_headline_focus title=”YOUR WIFE IS YOUR FOUNDATION” orientation=”center”]

She’s like your rocket fuel. Everything you do is made stronger and better and more fulfilling because of the love and pleasure she provides.

A truly loving wife will unlock your full potential, freeing you to pursue your lifelong aspirations to the greatest extent possible.

Pretty awesome, huh?

The question is, how do you create this kind of marriage?

The answer is…


You find unbridled pleasure in your wife. Not just sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Everything about her is your delight. Even her flaws bring you pleasure, because they remind you that you are loved in spite of your own flaws too.

[pullquote align=”normal”]THIS is what the perfect marriage looks like. When you and your wife can maintain this attitude – where you are both equally working to make the other’s life better simply because you love them – THAT is how you create a marriage that lasts a lifetime. [/pullquote]

Now, I’m not naïve…

I know that you probably aren’t at a point where your wife is finding her pleasure in you. But, you can lead the way and start finding pleasure in your wife right now.

Even if you’re separated, even if you’re on the verge of divorce, even if your wife is involved in an affair, you can STILL enjoy the woman you married by finding pleasure in her happiness. You can still make it your chief satisfaction to make her life better. And no, this doesn’t count as begging.

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Remember in the 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband, how a good husband never begs?

In Manly Marriage Revival, we spend a lot of time talking about ulterior motives. Basically, the reason that begging is such a turn-off is because deep down, [thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]begging is a purely selfish act[/thrive_highlight]. The reason that you beg your wife is NOT because you love her; it’s because you’re scared of change; it’s because you desperately want control, but you don’t have it.

However, when you truly want your wife’s life to be better because of the simple fact that she is your wife and you love her, THAT is not begging. THAT is not submission. That is husbandly leadership at its finest!

Again, we’ll talk a lot more about this in Manly Marriage Revival, but for now, remember this:

[pullquote align=”normal”]A true leader is able to find pleasure in the success and happiness of his followers.

Similarly, a true husband is able to find pleasure in the success and happiness of his wife. [/pullquote]

Should your wife be the only thing that gives you happiness?


Should you RELY on your wife for your happiness?

No. Of course not. Don’t you remember Step 1?

But you SHOULD work to get to a point where her happiness really and truly brings you pleasure. This is your end goal, and the sooner you get to it, the sooner the rest of your marriage can catch up.

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In Step 10, we’re going to finish the 10 Steps to Gain Husbandly Leadership with a sex talk. That’s right, the birds and the bees. You’re going to learn what your wife wants out of your sex life.

[thrive_link color=’blue’ link=’’ target=’_self’ size=’big’ align=’aligncenter’]Click Here to Go To Step 10[/thrive_link]

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