[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=”A Quick Word About the Appendix”]
Use the links below to navigate the appendix:
- Appendix A. “What if I Have Kids?”
- Appendix B. Other Common “What If” Scenarios
- Appendix C. Marriage Counseling
I just wanted to say a few quick words before jumping into these appendices to make sure you understand their purpose and scope.
After releasing the beta version of Manly Marriage Revival to early birds back in May of 2015, I got a TON of feedback. Which is a good thing; I wanted to make sure the final version of MMR was a truly comprehensive resource for men facing separation and other common marriage problems. The early bird launch allowed me to test whether or not this book worked on real men in real marriages.
After the early bird launch, about 90% of the feedback I received was extremely positive. Men loved it! Marriages were saved. The things I taught in this book do work. But, there were a few questions that kept popping up again and again… These appendices are the answer to those questions.
So, you can think of each appendix like a FAQ. Each appendix covers a question that doesn’t really fit anywhere else in the book, but that enough men asked about to warrant including an answer in MMR. Honestly, many of these questions deserve their own book; these appendices aren’t meant to be overly detailed. Instead, they are meant to serve as a starting point. And remember, if you have any questions that aren’t answered here, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Appendix A. “What If I Have Kids?”
A separation alone is extremely difficult to deal with. When kids are involved, it adds an extra layer of complication that can often feel overwhelming.
Fortunately, your responsibility as a father is much more straightforward and unchanging than your responsibilities as a husband. Whereas the way that you approach and interact with your wife can change depending on your specific situation, every father shares the same goals, mindset and responsibilities.
While yes, having kids does make things more complicated, children can also be an oasis of comfort and fulfilment in a time of your life where both of those things are sparse.
Above All, Remain a Good Father
Throughout this book, I have stressed the importance of focusing on what you can control. For 90% of the men reading this, you can control the kind of father you are, even during a separation.
The only exception to this rule is if your wife has literally locked you out of the house and is bitterly pursuing sole custody, refusing to allow you to see your children. While this does happen and I have had men in this situation (in the past few months I’ve had two different guys whose wives got restraining orders against them), it’s the exception, not the rule.
For the rest of you, no matter what happens with your wife, no matter how distant she is from the marriage, one of your top priorities should be spending quality time with your kids and showing them what a good, loving father looks like.
What are some traits of a good father?
Again, as we said in the preface above, entire books have been written on this subject. And remember, we talked about your responsibilities as a father in Chapter 6 about areas of husbandly leadership, so refer back to that chapter if you need a refresher. That being said, here are some fatherhood traits that come to mind…
Just remember the acronym SPELL. A good father is:
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Strong – Always remain positive and confident in front of your kids. When you make decisions as a father, stand firm in them. When you say yes, it means yes. When you say no, it means no. As we said all the way back in the chapter about areas of husbandly leadership, you are “the dad”.
Present – You are there for your kids. You get lots of face time with them. But, remember that being present is about more than just physically being around your kids… A father must be present mentally and emotionally too. When you’re spending time with your kids, they get your full attention. Reinforce that they’re worthy of attention.
Encouraging – A good father is constantly uplifting his kids. He wants them to be confident. He wants to be a source of positivity. He isn’t cynical or negative. Always look for opportunities to encourage your children… And not just generic encouragement like “Great job!” or “You did awesome!” Look for specific ways to praise your children.
Loving – Pretty straightforward one here… A father loves his kids and his kids know that he loves them. This is communicated through both words and actions.
Leader – Finally, a good father leads his family, and his kids see him as the family’s leader. Again, we’ve already talked extensively about what a husbandly leader looks like (see Chapter 6 if you need a refresher), so we’ll just leave it at that.
Let’s look at some specific questions that tend to pop up when dealing with separation and kids:
Question 1. How do you father your kids when your wife is uninterested in the family?
Let’s say your wife is having an affair. Many times when a wife is unfaithful, she will not only push away from her husband; she’ll also push away from her family. She pushes away from anything and everything that reminds her that what she’s doing is wrong and immoral.
What do you do as the father in this situation?
The answer is simple: pick up the slack left behind by your wife.
Go above and beyond as a father; take on as many parental responsibilities as you can. Your goal is to be there for your kids so much and so fully that they barely notice the absence of their mother.
Of course, this is a TON of work and is much easier said than done… Especially if you work a full-time job. But do your best, and remember that it’s only for a season.
As they say, this too shall pass.
Whatever happens, I strongly recommend against speaking ill of your wife to your kids. If they ask where mommy’s at or why she seems different, just tell them that she’s working on some problems.
Question 2. How do you deal with kids during a separation?
Honestly, this scenario is where having kids can actually be an enormous boon to your marriage.
Because seeing your kids is the perfect non-desperate, non-selfish reason for you to see your wife. Whether it’s you or her that has moved out of the house, you end up with the perfect excuse to get time with your wife and your family.
Here’s another perk… Lots of men struggle to come up with topics of conversation with their wife during a separation.
Keeping up with kids is the PERFECT topic of conversation because it is something that you are both a genuinely interested in, and talking about it won’t come off as you simply wanting to talk to her (which can sometimes happen when you’re stuck with generic conversation topics like, “How was your day?”).
So, again, your goal in this scenario is to not let your marriage interfere with your fatherhood as much as is reasonable to expect. If anything, you need to step up your priority on being a good father during this time of your life.
Remember, you can’t control your wife…
You can’t control how she thinks or how she feels about you. But, you can be there for your kids; you can show them that you love them. And, in the end, showing your wife that you can lead your children, encourage them and keep them happy is a good step towards getting her to see that you can make HER happy too.
Question 3. How does the No Contact Rule apply when you have kids?
This is perhaps the trickiest scenario of all:
You’re separated from your wife…
Maybe she’s having an affair…
Every interaction you have with her turns combative…
So now you’ve decided that the No Contact Rule is your only option.
Here’s the problem – you have kids, which kind of makes no contact impossible. After all, even if you’re not contacting your wife, you still want to see your kids! And if she’s the one who’s left the house, then she still wants to see them too (hopefully).
Here’s what to do:
Basically, during those week-long periods of no contact, you ONLY talk to your wife when you want to come spend time with the kids (or when she wants to spend time with them, if she’s the one who left).
During the normal “no contact” weeks, you refuse to engage in any conversation that does not directly relate to making plans with the kids.
If she tries to get a rise out of you, don’t give in and start a fight; instead, politely ask her to stay focused on making plans. If she tries to ignore you… If she won’t answer your texts or calls about when you want to see your kids, simply tell her your plans to come see them and then carry them out with or without her approval. Don’t ask; just inform and arrive.
Does that make sense?
Basically, your goal is to stick to the No Contact Rule as closely as you can without neglecting your kids. This is a commonsense approach that shouldn’t be too difficult to adjust your No Contact plan to, and it fulfills your responsibility to remain present as a father.
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These are the three most common questions that dads run into when they’re dealing with a separation or an affair, but obviously every marriage is different so you may have other problems that aren’t addressed here. Consider this a quick reminder that you’re free to email me at email@example.com if you want some more specific advice.
Appendix B. Other Common “What If” Scenarios
The “what if I have kids” question is definitely the biggest and most complicated scenario that isn’t covered in the main part of MMR. But, there are several other recurring questions that I’ve heard enough times to warrant including them in the book. Here are four of the most common “what if” scenarios that you may need help with:
Scenario 1. “What If She Feels Like I Don’t Care About Her?”
Here’s the scenario:
You’re making immediate changes in how you approach your wife and your marriage. You’re more confident; you’re not desperate; you’re not begging; you’re not sacrificing your dignity for the sake of ‘convincing her’ to stay in the marriage. Your wife wants a separation, so you’re letting her go to get her back.
What’s the problem?
Now that you’ve “let her go”, she’s accusing you of not caring about the marriage. Or maybe she hasn’t outright accused you of not caring, but you get a feeling that she’s turned off because you’re not “fighting for her”.
First off, this is actually good news for you.
Because if your wife wants you to fight for her, if she wants you to care about the marriage, then logically that means that some part of her is still open to a future with you. Of course, chances are you’re not dealing with a logical woman right now, but the point still stands.
The real problem with this scenario is that usually what ends up happening is something like this:
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- Your wife accuses you of not fighting for her or caring about the marriage.
- Obviously, you DO care about her and ARE fighting for the marriage, and you want your wife to know that. So you start making your desire for your wife more transparent. Maybe you start doing affectionate gestures or you have a conversation with her about your plans for the future.
- She is immediately turned off and pushes you away again.
- The cycle repeats until months have gone by and she’s fully out of the marriage.
[thrive_text_block color=”light” headline=”James’ Story”]
One guy in particular had this exact same pattern repeat itself over and over in his marriage and separation. Let’s call him James. James’ wife is having an emotional affair, she has asked for “space”, but he hasn’t given up on the marriage. He’s willing to do anything to get his wife back, just like most of you reading this.
Here’s how the cycle above played itself out for James:
The first time James emailed me, he was thinking about buying his wife a birthday present even though they’re moving towards separation. He wanted to know my thoughts. I told him what I tell every guy who wants to do something affectionate during a separation… “If your gut tells you ‘yes’, then go right ahead! Just make sure there are no ulterior motives and no expectations attached.”
So, he buys her a birthday gift. She’s surprised; she wasn’t expecting anything from him. She loves it.
Unfortunately, a week later things haven’t gotten any better and her extramarital relationship keeps progressing. She’s now actively started to go on dates with the other guy. So, James decides to get a bit firm with her and uses something similar to Statement #6 from Chapter 17 – he asks her to pause the affair so that they can give their marriage another chance. She refuses, saying that they’ve already given their marriage plenty of chances and that there’s no future. He says, “Fine, but I’m your husband and I’m not living with you while you pursue another man.”
Another week goes by, and things haven’t gotten any better. Only now, James is convinced that the reason things haven’t improved is because she feels like he doesn’t care about the marriage.
Why does he think that?
Because she’s outright told him that she doesn’t see him fighting for her. She says she “doesn’t see any fight in him” or get the feeling that he wants it to work. She’s told him that he doesn’t show her how much he loves her or cherishes her. She’s also started being pouty around the house, as if she’s trying to show him how neglected she feels.
So, what does he do?
He goes ahead and outright tells her that he loves her and wants to save the marriage, and that he’s willing to put in the work to make that happen. This is in addition to the consistent affectionate texts he has continued to send her this whole time… Nothing big or over the top, but consistent.
Again, she turns him down, saying she just doesn’t “feel it”.
This same thing keeps happening a couple more times, until finally I tell him, “Look, James, you’ve been getting this feeling that your wife thinks you don’t care about her for a while now… I think it’s time for you to do whatever it takes to make that feeling go away. How about this – every day for one week, commit to doing one nice gesture, one act of affection, SOMETHING that shows your wife you love her. It could be a letter, a text, cooking her dinner, giving her a hug… Anything that shows her how much you love her. Do whatever you have to do to be able to look in the mirror and say, ‘There’s NO WAY my wife could honestly believe I don’t love her.’ Can you do that?”
He takes my advice. Every day, he makes a point of doing something to indisputably show his wife that he loves her, cherishes her and wants her back.
What happens next? How does she react?
He gets about halfway through the week before his wife asks him to stop. She says it makes her uncomfortable and that she feels bad for him. She also says that she’s completely given up on the marriage.
Do you see what’s happening here?
The fact is, James did everything in his power to prevent the separation. He DID ask her to stay. He literally told her that he cares about her and that he’s willing to fight for her.
So what’s going on? Where is his wife getting this idea? Why is she making it seem like HE is the one who isn’t fighting for the marriage?
Let’s take a step back and look at the situation from a bird’s eye view…
Wife is having an affair, but accusing husband of not “fighting” for the marriage. Does that make any sense at all? Nope. Isn’t having an affair the single biggest way to say, “I don’t care about the marriage”? I’d say so!
So, what’s the deal?
The reality is, if your wife tells you that she feels like you don’t care about the marriage, but you KNOW that you’ve been fighting for the marriage and making good changes in your own behavior, chances are she’s just looking for a way to avoid taking responsibility. It’s much easier to say, “It’s your fault; why would I try to fix a marriage where my own husband doesn’t even care!” than to say, “My affair is inexcusable and makes the marriage impossible to fix.”
Okay, but what if your wife isn’t having an affair? What if you’re facing a plain ol’ separation with no infidelity anywhere to be seen?
Honestly, the same reasoning still applies. And your eventual goal is still the same – you need your wife to be re-attracted to you and you need to SHOW her that you’re her best option. Showing her that is going to take time, and you’re going to have to endure many more attacks like this in order to get there. And that’s ultimately what this sort of statement is – an attack.
Okay, okay… What should you actually DO in this scenario?
In the end, the actual reason she says you don’t care doesn’t really matter… What matters is what you do about it. So, what should you do?
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- Recognize that showing your wife you care will NOT reverse your wife’s decision to separate. At least, not immediately. Remember that this whole process takes time.[blank_space height=’3em’]
- This is especially true if she’s having an affair. If your wife is having an affair, recognize that it’s easier for her to blame you than to acknowledge what the affair is doing to the marriage.[blank_space height=’3em’]
- If you KNOW that you’re making progress as a husband and leader, expect that your wife may initially have a negative reaction to the changes you’re making in yourself. Keep persevering; keep pushing on; keep doing what you’re doing.[blank_space height=’3em’]
- At this point, you have to take everything your wife says and does with a grain of salt. She is operating on feelings right now. If she says that you’re not fighting for her, but you know for a fact that you absolutely ARE fighting for her, then just ignore it and keep doing what you’re doing to get that reaction out of her in the first place. Remember, the fact that she feels like she wants you to fight for her is a good thing![blank_space height=’3em’]
- At the end of the day, remember that all you can do is focus on what you can control. Keep doing what you know you need to do.[blank_space height=’3em’]
- Trust your gut. If you keep feeling like you should do more for your wife to communicate your desire for her and the marriage (whether that’s through words or gestures), then do it.[blank_space height=’3em’]
- Also note that, as is what happened with James, sometimes you have to do this for no other reason than so that you can look in the mirror and say, “There’s no way that my wife can realistically believe that I don’t care about her.” Having that peace of mind is worth it.[blank_space height=’3em’]
- Sometimes you just have to let your wife keep thinking you don’t care. Remember, even though she says your lack of “fight” is why she’s not coming back to the marriage, the fact is that there is a LOT more at play, and the fact that she wants you to fight for her is a good thing. Again, there’s nothing wrong with keeping her feeling that way.
Basically, the short answer here is just keep doing what you’re doing and trust that your wife will get that attraction back for you eventually.
Scenario 2. “What If Her Friends or Family Are Against You?”
Is your wife’s best friend constantly telling her to leave you?
… Or maybe her mother can’t stand you and is encouraging her to leave you for an upgrade.
Either way, you are not alone. Many men have faced a similar obstacle, where toxic sources close to your wife are encouraging her to end the marriage and that you don’t deserve her.
What should you do about it?
This is a classic case of focusing on what you can control.
Is there any way that you can force this person in your wife’s life to stop being toxic?
Is there any way that you can convince your wife to stop spending time with this person or talking to them? For 99% of the men reading this, the answer is no… When your marriage is back on solid ground, maybe, but certainly not while separation/divorce is still on the table.
If you can’t stop your wife from interacting with these toxic outside influences, what can you do?
You can do your absolute best to make yourself such a good husband, father and leader that those toxic people sound stupid for even suggesting that you’re a bad husband.
Let your actions speak louder than their words.
Scenario 3. “What If She’s Constantly Texting Other Men?”
(or generally has her nose in her phone)
We already talked a lot about what to do if your wife is having an affair in chapter 18, so I won’t go into too much detail about that here. But, I do want to address this specific problem that seems to come up a lot, which is, “How do I handle my wife’s texts from other men?”
This one is pretty straightforward, and there are two different ways to approach it. And only one way if your wife is currently having an affair.
Option 1 is to just ignore it
… And this is the recommended approach for most men reading this, and this option is your only real option if your wife is having an affair.
Just ignore it. Ignore the texts as best you can. Don’t look at them; don’t think about them; don’t ask about them; certainly don’t snoop on her phone to read them. Just ignore them. Those texts don’t change anything about your goals, and they don’t change anything about what you can control.
When you think about it, the same logic applies to this scenario as the previous one… Can you stop other men from texting your wife? No.
Can you stop her from texting them back? No.
What can you do?
Focus on yourself and focus on making the most of the moments when your wife isn’t attached to her phone.
Remember, what we’re looking at here is a symptom, not a cause… In other words, your wife’s texting habit is NOT the cause of her distance from you; it’s the symptom of a deeper problem. As she sees you becoming the type of man she wants to be with, she’ll have more incentive to set down the phone and give you her focus.
And that brings us to option 2…
Option 2 is to openly ask your wife to pay more attention to you when she’s with you
Now, keep in mind that most of the time, this will only work for men whose wives are already on their way back. If you’re at a point where your wife couldn’t care less what you want or how you feel, then this option certainly won’t work.
On the other hand, if your wife is slowly coming back to the marriage and has shown that she IS willing to make changes in her own behavior for the sake of the marriage, then an honest discussion about how much you appreciate her undivided attention when you’re together can be a very profitable and helpful thing to have.
We already talked about jealousy earlier in the book, and one of the things that’s easy to be jealous of is your wife’s texting habit. It’s easy to be jealous of the time she spends texting, and of the attention that she devotes to other people through her phone. It makes you think, “Am I really so boring that you can’t talk to me without pulling out your phone?”
Don’t let this sort of jealousy fester under the surface. If you think your wife would be receptive to it (or if you feel strongly like you need to speak your mind), then simply tell her how you feel and that you’d like her to stop texting when she’s with you.
One last thing…
If your wife IS having an affair, you can still try to ask her not to constantly text other men (or other people) around you. But, if you do, just make sure you stay calm while you do it and expect her to dismiss your request without changing her behavior. But you can still ask.
Scenario 4. “What If I Mess Up?”
Finally, this is the scenario that everyone reading this book will run into at least once. And the answer is… It’s okay.
Remember, as we said earlier in the book, husbandly leadership is not about perfection; it’s about trajectory. Your goal isn’t to become the perfect husband overnight.
You’re not a failure if you make a mistake.
You haven’t ruined your chances of getting your wife back if you relapse into old habits, or if you say something that you shouldn’t have, or if you do something that a husbandly leader shouldn’t do.
The important thing is that you learn from your mistake, pick yourself up, and keep moving forward.
It’s easy to get caught up in regret. It’s easy to get down on yourself or to get discouraged or to get impatient. But you can’t afford to dwell on your mistakes right now. You need to stay focused, and you need to stay consistent.
You can still be consistent if you make a mistake, but you CAN’T stay consistent if you let your mistakes cause you to give up hope.
Remember – it’s NEVER too late to save your marriage. I’ve seen marriages come back from unbelievably dire circumstances.
Be patient, trust your gut, focus on what you can control, and keep moving forward.
Appendix C. Marriage Counseling
I will be the first to confess that I’m slightly biased against marriage counseling. There are three big reasons for this, and they all go hand-in-hand:
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First, my own parents went through four or five different marriage counselors over the course of the last 10 years of their marriage. While I’m sure that both of my parents would tell you that they received some good advice from at least a couple of those counselors, none of them were able to give my parents what they needed to fix their relationship. And at least one of those counselors actually added to the problems in my parents’ marriage.
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Second, marriage counseling is often billed as a one-stop solution to all marriage problems. My parents’ case is a perfect example of this. The idea is, “Well, we tried marriage counseling. That didn’t work, so our marriage must not be fixable.”
Basically, people rely on marriage counseling as the one and only method of fixing a marriage, when the reality is that 38% of couples end up divorced within four years of completing a counseling regimen.
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And that brings us to the third reason, which is that marriage counseling’s success is highly conditional. Statistics show that marriage counseling is most effective when (A) couples seek help early, before problems can fester, and (B) that it’s most successful when BOTH spouses are dedicated to making the needed changes to the marriage. For most men reading this book, neither of those conditions apply.
It’s also worth noting that many marriage counselors acknowledge that their role is NOT always to save the marriage.
Instead, a counselor’s responsibility is to help a couple “move forward” in a healthy manner. If one spouse is dead-set on divorce, then many times an MC’s job is to help the couple end their relationship without animosity or long-term damage to either spouse. Here’s an example: this article says, “In some cases, marriage counseling works by convincing a couple that they are not in a healthy relationship and by giving the couple the encouragement they need to end their relationship.”
This is probably why nearly 40% of couples who receive couple’s counseling get divorced within four years of completing therapy.
Okay, so those are my reasons for NOT liking marriage counseling. Believe it or not, though, [thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]I still believe that marriage counseling can be a valuable tool for many men reading this[/thrive_highlight] as you move forward in trying to fix your marriage.
Here’s when I do recommend marriage counseling and why, and what you can do to make the most of your counseling:
If Your Wife Suggests Marriage Counseling, Always Say Yes
We just got done talking about how one of the primary conditions for marriage counseling’s success is that both spouses must want to fix the marriage.
Since you’re here reading this, half of that requirement is already met, right? If your wife ever suggests marriage counseling, you should say yes! If your wife wants to go to counseling and work on the marriage… And you want to go to counseling and work on the marriage… Then you should probably go to counseling and work on the marriage!
It’s true, there is a possibility that your wife is only suggesting marriage counseling because she wants someone to validate her desire to end the relationship. But, you won’t know that until you try it out. And, even if that is her desire going into it, a good counselor may help your wife see the marriage (and the reason she wants to leave it) in a new light.
Plus, your wife may assume that you will say no to marriage counseling. This is a surprisingly common assumption among women, and a surprising number of men do say no to counseling, even when they want to save their marriage.
Saying yes to counseling shows her that you’re willing to put work into the relationship, no matter how bad things have become.
Take Charge of Finding & Vetting the Counselor
If you ever come to a point where you and your wife are ready to try counseling, take charge of finding the counselor.
I can personally attest from my parents’ experience and the experience of men Inside the Haven, there are a LOT of underwhelming counselors out there. There are plenty of counselors out there who will do more damage than good. So, make sure you do your own due diligence when choosing your counselor.
This also shows your wife that just as you can take charge of finding a counselor, you can also take charge of the marriage.
[thrive_text_block color=”light” headline=”Criteria to Help You Find a Good Marriage Counselor”]
- They offer both individual and couples counseling.
- They specialize in marriage counseling; they aren’t a generalist counselor who also offers marriage counseling. If they have further specialties that are relevant to your relationship (such as specializing in extramarital affairs or crisis management), all the better.
- They share your beliefs about marriage. Sometimes this is hard to tell without either a phone call or an initial consultation.
- They are relatable and trustworthy. Many couples find that they do better with a counselor their own age who is in similar life circumstances (eg. mid-40s with kids). Some other couples find they do better with a much older counselor who can be seen as a wise, authoritative figure.
- Remember, it’s more important that your wife can trust and relate to the counselor than that you can.
- They are adaptable and accessible. The best counselors are willing to talk to you on the fly via email, call or text when needed; not just when you’re sitting in their office. The best counselors are also not limited by “formulas”; they can listen and adjust their therapy regimen depending on your specific needs.
- (Optional) They are a new counselor. Believe it or not, a new counselor is sometimes better than a more established one because it means they will be more involved and passionate about giving you and your wife what you need.
- They are referred to you by a friend. I know it can be awkward to talk to friends about counseling, but the best way to vet a counselor is to get one that someone else has had success with.
Marriage Counseling Helps Keep Your Home a Peaceful Place
Marriage counseling can give you a place where you can be free to have the kind of serious, difficult discussions that you generally want to avoid on a day-to-day basis while your marriage is still on the edge. A counseling session gives your wife the opportunity to openly express what she feels is wrong with the marriage, and most importantly, it’s in a place that isn’t your home.
Basically, counseling can help you keep your home a peaceful place, with the counselor’s office dedicated to conflict.
It also gives you a specific time and place that is set aside for talking about the marriage. That way you have a good reason NOT to have those conversations outside of counseling.
On top of that, marriage counseling helps you keep a pulse on the specific issues that your wife needs to resolve. And if your wife doesn’t KNOW what those specific issues are, then marriage counseling will help her identify them. Either way, this makes it easier for both of you!
Marriage Counseling May Help Your Wife Recover
As your wife starts coming around to the marriage, having someone objective to talk to can be extremely helpful.
Your wife can say things to your marriage counselor that she isn’t yet comfortable saying to you, and that’s okay! It’s better for her to say those things to the counselor than not saying them at all, or worse, saying them to another man.
A marriage counselor keeps your wife thinking about the marriage, which is something that she may not spend much time doing otherwise. At least, not constructively and not with guidance.
We briefly touched on this earlier in the book, but right now, you’ve invested a lot of time into saving your marriage. You’ve read this book. You’ve read around Husband Help Haven. You’re actively working on yourself and the way you interact with your wife.
But, what has your wife done?
Who has she talked to?
What has she read to help her move forward in the marriage?
Probably nothing. And if she has been reading anything or talking to anyone, they probably haven’t been overly helpful or supportive.
A marriage counselor can fill the gap between where you’re at and where your wife is at. A marriage counselor can be the thing that gets your wife thinking about the marriage in a productive, efficient and results-oriented way. Sometimes, this alone is what makes marriage counseling so worthwhile.
[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=”Key Takeaways from Appendix C:”]
- Marriage counseling is a tool; not THE answer to your marriage problems.
- If your wife suggests marriage counseling, always say yes.
- Take charge of finding a counselor using the criteria outlined above.
- Recognize that counseling may do more for your wife than it will do for you, and that’s okay!
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