Chapter 20. Putting Leadership Into Practice & Other Closing Thoughts


Chapter 20 - Putting Leadership Into Practice

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[thrive_text_block color=”light” headline=”Chapter Summary”]Just a few final thoughts before we officially finish the course.[/thrive_text_block]

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This is it.

We’re finally to the end of Manly Marriage Revival.

I’m confident that you now have all the tools you need to start putting husbandly leadership into practice inside your own marriage. But, while I’ve given you the tools, it’s up to you to use them properly.

On the other hand, even after 300 pages, part of me feels like we’ve barely scratched the surface of living out leadership inside your marriage. I know that as you implement the tips and tactics you’ve learned over the past few chapters, you’ll find yourself constantly learning new things about yourself, your wife and marriage in general. Which is a good thing! Every marriage should be a unique and precious journey.

That being said, we’ve covered a lot of stuff. So, to help you remember everything you’ve learned, here are the top 7 lessons to remember as you start putting what you learned into practice…

Top 7 Lessons to Remember From Manly Marriage Revival

[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 1. Leadership is Attractive”]

Every woman and wife finds the trait of leadership attractive on a primal level.

You don’t have to be a perfect leader, but you do have to show her that you know leadership is your responsibility and that you have the confidence to make decisions. You’re the captain of your ship; it’s your job to identify where your family wants to go in life, map a course to get them there, then protect, serve and love them along the way.


[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 2. The Leadership Cycle”]

The reason leadership is both the ingredient behind happy marriages AND the key to rekindling your own marriage is because of The Leadership Cycle.  It goes like this:

Leadership kindles attraction, which creates a desire for forgiveness, which fosters love which you express by leadership, and so on and so forth.


[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 3. Husbandhood Means Servant Leadership”]

Leadership in marriage looks a lot more like servanthood than most men realize; a good leader exists to serve the needs of his people, just like the best kings or presidents. Here are the important traits of a husbandly leader:


  • Confident in himself
  • Humble in his position as leader
  • Decisive in matters big & small
  • Loving to all those around him[/one_half_first][one_half_last]
  • Focused on what he can control
  • Cherishes the trust of his wife
  • Stands firm in the marriage; a rock
  • Source of positive encouragement


[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 4. Unconditional Love is Both Possible & Rewarding”]

Unconditional love means you’re always working to make your wife’s life better, no matter what. When you unconditionally love your wife and she unconditionally loves you, it creates a matrix of joy that lasts a lifetime, with very real, tangible benefits for both of you.


[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 5. Focus On What You Can Control”]

Especially if your marriage is on the rocks, it’s important to remember that there’s always one thing you have total control over – yourself. You are 100% in control of your mindset, habits, words and actions.

Your goal should be to master yourself. Push yourself to do as many of the right things as you can, then rest easy knowing you’ve done everything in your power to love your wife and save your marriage.

Oh, and don’t forget about your Marriage Scale we learned about back in Chapter 7. Start using that today if you haven’t already.


[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 6. Let Her Go to Get Her Back”]

If your wife wants out of the marriage, you’ve got to let her go to get her back. That phrase has a few crucial implications:

  • First, it means you need to relieve pressure on her by genuinely letting her go. Less pressure is a good thing right now, because pressure tends to be selfish.
  • Let her go because you can’t force your wife to stay in the marriage. She’s going to do what she wants to pursue her own happiness.
  • Finally, let go of fear about what you can’t control. You have to take the leap of faith and focus on the only thing you can control – YOU!

Since your wife is pursuing her own happiness, your best bet is simply to become the type of husband that makes her happiest. Become such a good option for her that only a fool would choose to leave the marriage.


[thrive_text_block color=”blue” headline=”Lesson 7. Be Hopeful, Positive & Encouraging”]

Just because you have to let your wife go does NOT mean you have to give up hope. Just the opposite. Hope is all you’ve got!

You should always be hopeful, positive and encouraging. Not only do these attributes help you rekindle romance, they will also help you live a happier life regardless of what happens in your marriage.

It’s like that cliché study – even if you fake a smile, it improves your mood. Well, that’s what you’re doing here, but on a mindset-level.

And even if your wife isn’t on the way out, a positive attitude keeps a healthy marriage happy. Be a constant source of encouragement, uplifting and joy. Your attitude is contagious; make sure yours is spreading happiness.


Looking Forward to the Future

closing thoughtsNo matter what happens, don’t ever give up hope on your marriage. Not ‘til the day the divorce goes through.

You are a man; you keep your word. The day you got married, you vowed to love your wife forever. Now do the part. Use your love for your wife to remain strong and focused on your end-goal.

Even when you put husbandly leadership into practice, there will still be struggles. Just like the captain of a ship, you will face storms… Sometimes really big, dark, vicious storms that genuinely make you scared. That’s okay! The point of this course isn’t to get you to a conflict-free marriage; the point is to teach you a framework (leadership) for navigating those storms without wrecking your ship.

Husbandly leadership is hard. It’s challenging. For some of you, it won’t come naturally. But, remember that the reason most men aren’t leaders isn’t because they can’t lead; it’s because they don’t know they need to.

Now you know.

Leadership is both the most rewarding and the most challenging part of being a married man. Which means there’s just one more thing I have to ask you to do…

Pass It On

The title of this course is Manly Marriage Revival. I chose that title because I believe that married men today need a massive reawakening. Very few men today understand what a happy marriage looks like or what actually makes a lifelong marriage work. Even if you go with the more conservative statistics that say 35% of marriages end in divorce… That’s too high!

It’s up to us – the husbands – to change the way we operate inside a marriage. It’s up to us to change the divorce statistics.

pass it onAs you put leadership into practice inside your own marriage, you’re going to start seeing and feeling how natural and rewarding marriage can be when it’s done right.

You’re going to grow as a husband and a man. You will become stronger, more confident, more decisive and more loving as a leader. And it will just feel right.

All I ask you to do with all this growth is…

Pass it on.

Leadership cannot remain a secret. There is no reason that so many men today should have to struggle to fix and maintain their marriage when the answer is so obvious. And yet, even I never would’ve realized the importance of leadership if a friend hadn’t sat me down and had ‘the leadership talk’ with me before I got married. I needed someone outside myself to teach me.

I’m sure the same is true for you…

You knew something was missing in your marriage, and you really wanted to fix it, but you had no idea where to start.

The answer is leadership. Share it.

When you see a friend struggling in their marriage, tell him about the importance of leadership. Tell him that women find leadership attractive, and that he is entirely in control of his own actions. Give him examples from your own marriage.

If a male friend or family member is engaged and on their way to getting married, be the guy that gives them ‘the leadership talk’ about what it means to be a husband. Give them the knowledge and tools you wish you’d had when you first got married.

Start looking for opportunities to share what you know about leadership.

No, this isn’t my way of subtly telling you to go out and promote my course. I don’t care about selling more copies; I just want men to change. The only reason I wrote this at all is because I want divorce statistics to change. I want the word ‘marriage’ to be associated with happiness and fulfilment; not imprisonment and failure.

Friends, we are the manly marriage revival.

Let’s spread the word.

I Want Your Feedback

emailThis entire course was built on experience, so is it any surprise I want to hear your feedback on the course itself?

If you have any feedback about what you’ve learned… If you have any questions or if there’s something you wish I’d talked more about, please let me know.

If any area of this course was hard to understand, or if I left something out, tell me! I want to hear your feedback!

On the other hand, if you loved everything you read and it makes a difference in your marriage, tell me your story! Success stories are the reason I started Husband Help Haven; there’s nothing that makes me feel better than hearing about men who’ve put leadership into practice.

Either way, send your feedback to

[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=””]Note: Put [MMR] in your subject line to make sure I respond more quickly, since I’ll know you’re an MMR student.[/thrive_text_block]

Thank You for Reading

I’ve poured my heart into Manly Marriage Revival over the past 6 months. Writing it has been a huge learning experience. In fact, I’ve re-applied several of the lessons I taught throughout this course inside my own marriage, and it’s had a noticeable difference. I’d be writing and say, “Oh yea, that’s how this is supposed to work.”

So, first, thank you for giving me a reason to put everything I know about husbandly leadership and repairing a marriage all in one place.

Second, and more importantly, thank you for caring about your marriage. Thank you for wanting to learn about leadership, even as our modern-day culture says that husbandly leadership is sexist or close-minded. Thank you for challenging the status quo.

Thank you for taking responsibility for your marriage.

From here, it’s up to you. I’ve taught you everything I know about husbandly leadership and what it means in a marriage, but I don’t know everything. I’m not a perfect leader, and I’m certainly not a perfect man. So go out and lead your marriage. Learn about leadership for yourself, which can only happen when you put it into practice.

Love your wife more than you thought possible.

Pursue happiness and joy in your marriage until the day you die.

As you finish reading this final page of this final chapter, you’re completing your first step towards husbandly leadership. Now, it’s up to you to put one foot in front of the other and start living out leadership in your own marriage.

You can do it!

Again, thank you so much for reading, and best of luck as you dive headfirst into the challenging-but-rewarding world that is husbandly leadership.

Much manly love,
– Jacob

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About the author 


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