Question 1. Where is my focus?

The Answer
Today I am going to make the most of ________, _______ and ________.

This is the first question you ask yourself because you can't be most effective until you know where to target your focus.

You could answer this question by simply listing the handful of broad categories that you will always have control over.

In other words, you'd say...

"Today I am going to make the most of my thoughtswords and actions.

You always have the opportunity to control these three things. Even if you don't always utilize your self-control in these areas, the option is always there.

  • You get to control the thoughts you allow yourself to entertain.
  • You get to control the words that come out of your mouth.
  • You get to control the things you do (to a degree) and how you do them.

This is a good mantra sort of question to ask. It reminds you to get back to the basics.

When you start getting lost in the chaos of separation, this question helps anchor you back to what you need to do.

The other way you can answer this question is more as a daily or weekly preparation question, identifying key tasks or timeframes that you want to remind yourself to put full effort in.

Another answer:

Today I am going to make the most of my day at work, my time with my kids, and my workout at the gym.

Again, this helps you keep your eyes on the things that are most important to you. It reminds you that you want to be especially intentional about your thoughts, words and deeds while you're in the midst of these things.

Of course, it doesn't have to be three things. I just like doing things in 3s. You could pick one or two or four or however many things you want, although don't list too many things or you may as well do a more formal brainstorming.

Remember the goal of this question: to remind yourself, what is it that you can actually control?

The bulk of your words, thoughts and deeds should be directed towards making the most of those things.

This alone will vastly help you maintain self-control and feel more in control during your separation.